you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
