Pants 0. Shit 1.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
