i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
