I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
