Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
