I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
