He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is Oprah even human
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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