I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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