Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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