You can't motorboat a personality
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
