But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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