you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
