...so i touched it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
