I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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