Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
