I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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