i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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