btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
