Four minutes until I can fart!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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