why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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