I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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