i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
