i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
