I just made out with a guy for $7.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
