I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
