the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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