I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
