I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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