I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
