I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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