in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
