she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
