HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
