Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
