You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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