Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
