Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
