did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
