Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
they need to just BURY HIM!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
