i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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