ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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