Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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