you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
