You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
