You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
