Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
