Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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