Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
