My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
