Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
