I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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