if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
