Your face is a jimmy john
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
