I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im six kinds of drunk right now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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