i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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