Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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