you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
