Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
