I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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